Today’s comic is based around a very unbased fear of mine. It’s a fear that has faded with time, but I know I am going to watch some horrifying movie in the future and it will come back.
Friends, this is the fear that a murderer is going to appear in the short moment in which I am washing my face. I will fumble with my eyes closed for a towel, dry my face off and look up into the mirror. There I will see the murderer standing in the shower with a terrifying Halloween mask on and he will take that moment to lunge forward and kill me.
This was a serious concern. My fear of the dark continued until about the embarrassing age of 12. Now that I think back on it, this fear wasn’t totally unreasonable. Every night I would descend into the solid blackness that is the Alaskan winter night. There I would walk about 100 feet from my lighted house into what was essentially a blackened wood. There I would ladle food out to the dogs, all the while humming nervously, most certain that something was lurking just beyond my periphery into the woods, tracking the motions of my headlamp.
The worst part was the walk (see: terrified sprint) back to the safety of the house, as whatever was stalking me in the woods would realize that this was its last chance to descend upon me and rip my frantically beating heart from my chest.
While I have been able to defeat these phobias (by never closing my eyes or going outside past 5), one phobia remains.
MOVIE PUPPETS
Okay, so not all of those are puppets, but I hope it makes sense. Those things are terrifying TO THIS DAY.
CGI creatures, they either look real, or they look like they are CGI. I can handle that. They do not exist, or they look like they are actual creatures. Puppets, on the other hand, are inanimate objects that talk and move. They always move really slowly, or too stiffly. Their eyes blink awkwardly, and they stare, lifelessly out. It’s like they are possessed by some supernatural entity that just wants to LIVE.
Look at this clip from The Never Ending Story (a movie guilty of much childhood trauma).
To clarify, I am not afraid of marionettes, dummies, dolls, or muppets. Just these creepy . . . latex things that BLINK.
I am going to go hide under the covers now.
-Nathan
I can’t breathe under here.
