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Tidings of Comfort (Conclusion)

The pillow isn’t happy about Tim’s new partner in cranial comfort and his rage is represented through his words. This comic is the finale of our Christmas’s story and hopefully you all enjoyed it.

Moving on, recently I learned a very important lesson about gift-giving. However it wasn’t it’s the thought that counts or that you need to get a big present to show that I care. In fact I learned the art of Christmas manipulation.

Okay, the scenario: You have a limited amount of cash allotted to purchasing presents for your loved ones this holiday season. But let’s face, it you really want to spend that money on yourself rather than buying every one of your two dozen siblings an exclusive gift. Nonetheless, you don’t want to appear cheap because that would reveal the fact that you’re a jerk. So what you do is deploy a combination of several techniques that will save you money and possibly provide a personal bonus to your insatiable consumerist instincts.

Approach #1

Re-gifting. This approach is self explanatory and by far the most efficient as well as lucrative option.

Approach #2

Buy community gifts. The best gifts are the ones that can be enjoyed by everyone; a good example of this a DVD. Let’s say you want a DVD but you need to buy a present for someone else. The way you manipulate this is to by to either buy a DVD you want for someone else, though this in inadvisable because it’s a little obvious to anyone with the good sense to look past your smile. Preferably you should buy two DVDs. One of which you like but the other person likes as well and the other just the one you want. Therein getting what you want while looking as though you are being kind. You are essentially getting a gift for yourself but who’s going to know if you hide it under a blanket of kindness. This can be applied to various other merchandise like CDs and even games.

Approach #3

Buy cheap presents for everyone but then start to double it up. For instance you can get two people modest gifts but then you buy an extra one for both of them. The idea is that you will buy a total of three presents for every two people. One for each of them and one extra gift for the partnership. This means you can get these people cheap-ass gifts, but hide the fact that you did so by getting an extra one. They will subconsciously justify the fact that you got a cheap one for then by accepting that you got a gift for the community at hand; making you look like a saint when in reality the total cost of the three gifts is lower than getting two normal sized ones. This is best done in pairs because it creates a reliable sense of unity between the two individuals that elevates you in their opinions as well as others.

Approach #4

This one is the most risky but bears the best long term reward. You must buy something for a loved one that they already have. A book they have already read is a good example. Whatever you do, make sure this item comes from a store with an ironclad return policy, this will be useful later. Don’t forget to keep the receipt. Wrap it up and come present opening time act as though you are surprised and regretful when finding out you got them something they already have. They will, of course, be reluctant to return it seeing as it is a gift that was given with good intentions. You then observe where they place this item make sure you know were it is. Then you just wait a few weeks maybe a month or two.  With luck the recipient will have forgotten about it over time and you can safely snatch it from its place without conflict. Then you simply return it to the store you bought it from and pocket the money for yourself. Thus making you the most evil present giver of all time. Of course this plan is risky, they may choose to return it themselves, give it to a friend or maybe the store will only provide you with a replacement copy rather than a full refund. If you are able to pull this off despite the risks involved then you will be rewarded handsomely with no money down. This step should only be used once per event in order to prevent the growth of suspicion.

If you are able to use these tips for your own gain you will truly be a ruthless and efficient gift giver with little cost to yourself

Thank you for reading and happy holidays.

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