hello, beautiful people! (if you are not beautiful feel free to exclude yourself from my greeting)
this could be the start of something interesting in the swine watch – i upped my swine probabilities substantially this week. not only did i eat a sandwich i dropped on a bare food court table at the mall (which set off warning lights but man i was hungry), but a 3 year old chubby kid at work yesterday pulled a fast one on me. we were playing basketball, when he came up to me and pulled on my pantleg. “coach”, he said, (which, by the way, was freakin adorable), “i have a question.” i leaned down. “sure, buddy,” i said, “what’s up?” chubbs began to ask a question about where his basketball was, paused, then coughed right in my face. i was very disappointed, but let it go because the kid looks like bobby from king of the hill. plus i feel bad for him because it seriously looks like he already has a receding hairline. bald at 3. it’s a hard knock life.
but that brings us to
SWINE WATCH (missed it last week… i hope you didn’t get too depressed at it’s absence..)
WEEK ONE: no symptoms
WEEK TWO: no symptoms
WEEK THREE: seriously suspicious deep cough. it begins?
i will keep you posted. well wishes and gifts gratefully accepted.
i really don’t like other people’s tweets. i quite enjoy the tweets of friends, but there’s a really useless feature on twitter for me. don’t get me wrong, i find the idea intriguing, but can’t see a time where i would use it – and that feature is the search function on twitter’s main page. you type in a subject, and twitter comes up with all the results of what people are tweeting about it at that time (i also vow to never use the verb “tweet” again). in the interest of science, we will take a journey into
the dark underbelly of twitter
(which, let’s be honest, isn’t really all that dark).
let’s start off with a relatively mundane search.
“twilight: new moon”
elizaros** At the drive in with flick bout 2 watch twilight and new moon. Yayyyy!!!!
ANALYSIS:
- eliza ros is at the drive in with someone named Flick, which is a pretty neat name. though it reminds me the name of a golden retriever in a disney movie, who almost certainly knows how to talk. she’s about to watch twilight AND new moon? that’s like being shot in the head AND the chest.
next search: “hepatitis b”
jane00** HEPATITIS B
ANALYSIS:
- i was going to say that this was a terrible tweet, but in retrospect – kinda hilarious. i might steal that bit. tweet something like “CHLAMYDIA” tomorrow. all caps. also could be a good idea to do that sort of thing to just freak out squares, am i right? walk down the street, look a stranger in the eye, and shout “HEPATITIS B” at them? i’m insane.
next search: “honey, i shrunk the kids”
vixe*** I havent cried at a film since Honey i Shrunk The Kids and now Marley and Me has me in floods!
ANALYSIS:
- let me post the imdb plot summary for “honey i shrunk the kids” for you:
Wayne Szalinski is your average “nutty scientist”, working on a top secret machine which miniaturizes objects. When it unexpectedly starts working, he’s so amazed he forgets to tell his family to be careful. And when they wander into his lab…
turn on the waterworks! it’s heartbreaking how szalinski spends all his time consumed with his work and doesn’t spend enough time with his family! basically, vixe, (if that is your real name), if “honey i shrunk the kids” made you cry.. well, i guess i envy your humanity.
more tweet analysis… sometime in the future!
PIB!
good day!
JKD!
