Woooobama! If you’re looking for a Canadian’s perspective on your election, there it is. I watched more hours of coverage of your election than I did mine, but then again ours was as boring as a board meeting at a grocery store (good joke? i dunno).

Alright so for some reason I’ve seen the movie Transformers like seven or eight times now. When people want to watch a movie, there’s always one dude who seems to go “hey, transformers! I haven’t seen that yet!” I always protest, but to no avail. Transformers gets thrown in. I don’t mind the movie. It’s decently entertaining, it’s got some good action even though it gives me a headache. The story is sorta dumb, but it is a story about robots from space fighting over a big cube that creates worlds (typing that out really makes it seem like the guy who started the franchise was inspired by some sort of drug). Shia LeBeouf is entertaining and the babe is a babe. So all around, not really that bad of a movie. I wouldn’t mind watching it two or three times.

But seven?

After you watch Transformers seven times, you start to notice certain parts that are really, really dumb.

I’m not going to go into too much detail. But one character in the movie is so horrifically bad and weird and annoying I have to point it out.

Not the Dad, not Jon Voight, not Bernic Mac (RIP) but AGENT SIMMONS.

(pointless rant incoming)

This guy is the worst supporting character in the history of cinema. Sure, you might say, “there are hundreds that are worse!” and you’d actually probably be right. But for some reason this guy makes me so angry. And obviously his characer is meant to be that way. He is antagonistic. “You see this?” he says to Shia LeBeouf and Babe character, showing his badge, “This is a do-whatever-you-want-and-get-away-with-it-badge”. Not only is that a terrible badge name with an excess of hyphens, it is annoying and no real agent would ever admit that.

This is a picture from when Shia Lebeouf’s love interest babe for some reason asks the the agent to take off his clothes. Okay? So he is a jerk, you make him take off his clothes? That seems unnecessary. Anyways. He strips down and is wearing “Sector 7″ underpants. Why? Who knows. Now, you might be saying “but it’s a joke! He’s a comical character! He is a larger-than-life agent played for laughs!” Yes, he is. And it is so annoying.

Here he is looking like a general nincompoop. What are you looking at? Look at how smug he is. Looking around like that. I want to punch him in the face.

…. it really is a unfounded hate. There really is no reason I feel this way towards an arbitrary one-shot character who takes up like ten minutes in a mediocre film. I think I’m allowed it though. I don’t really hold any grudges towards anything, and generally am not an irritable person, but Agent Simmons? I vow to picket Transformers 2 if he is included in it.

Alright. Hope that wasn’t too obscure for you.

Poop in Bed! I could write literally paragraphs about my distain for the Family Circus. It is just slightly below the quality of those comics that come with Hubba Bubba (starring: Pud!). But instead of writing paragraphs, I’ll just show you this:

Till next time!

love,

joel