What’s that? I don’t remember typing an embarrassing subject head. You’re crazy.

Happy new years and all that. Enjoy the year, everyone, because 2009 may be the last year we all continue to live. After all – if 2000 and 2001 were both busts – and if science fiction has taught us anything – than the last possible crazy date in which the world will explode will be 2010. Nothing after that has quite the sciencey-sound to it. Imagine the world ended in 2017. laaaaame. So 2010 is when aliens, volcanoes, or plagues will wipe us out. Or maybe 2012. Okay, actually, yeah, crisis over. 2012 it is.

how will it end? i like to think it will come as a result of something that no one predicts. bear attacks! they all just get fed up and storm the cities! no man could stand up against an angry bear (except maybe bruce willis). i think this is a plausible scenario. i’ve actually sort of thought about getting into the prophecizing business. it is a very simple career path, because by the time you’ve made all these predictions and become acclaimed, it doesn’t matter if they come true or not – the trick is to prophecise far enough into the future, long after you’re dead. take nostradamus. he was this big famous prophet back in his day. everyone thought he was great! so smart! how did he know all the stuff he said? who knows? but he sure sounded sure about it, so here’s a six-figure contract and your own recording studio, ‘damus! say whatever you want! surely it isn’t nonsense!

of course now all his predicted dates are coming to pass and turns out none of them match up, really. oh well.

so with this in mind i present:

LES PROPHETIES VOL II: X-TREME PROPHECIES

by joestadamus

HEED MY WORDS, AIGHT

- 2078: TERRIBLE THINGS, OR POSSIBLY JUST ONE TERRIBLE THING, WILL HAPPEN (keepin’ it vague. this way even like a burnt pancake could qualify)

- 2099: AT END OF YEAR THE NEXT YEAR WILL BE 2100.

- 2100: SEE PREVIOUS PREDICTION. (nailed it)

- 2111: RUSSELL CROWE’S GREAT GREAT GRANDSON ELECTED PRESIDENT. (taking a risk here, but if it pays off MAN will i look good)

- 2235: IF TIME MACHINES INVENTED YET, SOMEONE WILL TRAVEL BACK IN TIME AND GIVE JOESTRADAMUS MILLIONS OF DOLLARS

- 2646: ENTIRE POPULATION OF WORLD DEAD (a good prophet always strikes fear into the hearts of their subjects at some point)

SO ENDS THE HEEDETH PROPHECIES PUT FORTH, DOTH END. FIN.

————————————–

So we’ll see how those work out in a couple hundred years.

You wanna new poop in bed”?

Sidenote regarding Macdonalds: Everyone says they’re afraid of clowns. It has become the new thing to say. I don’t think anyone is scared of clowns, they just want a conversation topic. What is there to be afraid of? They are hilarious. Don’t kid yourself.

alright

joel