Note (9:55pm): Everything in this post is meant to be funny. None of it should have been read with a grim, or depressed tone. I was joking. Being funny. Trust me, there is no chance in hell that Compare People would ever have any kind of influence on my self-esteem. I am just so amazingly awesome that it is like armor, protecting me from insults. So laugh, or I will beat yo’ ass.
The Facebook app “Compare People” is an evil, evil thing. Placing two of your Facebook friends up for you to judge who is superior. It’s all of the confidence-destroying, harsh judging, categorization that everyone loves from high school! We have already elaborated how the application encourages incest. Now another harsh discovery has been unveiled, a deeper motivation behind the twisted minds who breathed life into this cruel beast.
This is actually based upon a real notice this despicable program sent me. This is the notification, exactly how it appeared:
In the past day you were compared 3 times. Your friends didn’t think that you are a winner comparing to their other friends.
See? SEE? It just phrased it nicely, but it basically just said, “Your friends think you are a loser, and that their other friends are better.” While I must ignore the violence against my self-esteem, I decided to go into my rankings, and see the categories where I lost the most frequently. It is for self-improvement. To better myself.
Let’s see, my bottom ranking is . . . I guess I am the “least useful.” I can live with that. I mean, what does that even mean? Can I be used to tighten a screw? Paperweight? Fourth leg of a table? I don’t know, so I don’t really care.
Next lowest: I am a person that people would prefer not to get stuck in handcuffs with. That’s cool. I would probably moan and whine a lot, probably would just act like a total dick. So I can understand that.
Alright . . . looks like . . . one of the least funny?!! What the hell, guys? I am hilarious.
Well that was crushing. Now that I have had my confidence decimated, I am going to retreat to bed because it is incredibly late here. I will write my final blog entry on my Alaskan adventures and it will be up tomorrow. As in Thursday tomorrow. And you will laugh, because I am funny, dammit.
Stupid Comparing People.
-Nathan
