The grandparent story line continues, as does the destruction of my relationship with my actual grandparents . . . who are nothing like this, mind you.

I am drawing a huge blank for the blog, so I am going to present you with a list of things that traumatized me as a child.

1. A “documentary” about ghosts.

When I was about eight or so, I was visiting cousins in Albany. We watched a show about haunted places in America, with interviews and stories about ghost sightings. This hour led to a deep-rooted fear of ghosts.

2. My first screamer video.

Screamer videos are irritating, certainly. It was maybe, nine or ten at night. I was in my pajamas, probably at age eight. I received an email from my uncle that involved searching a picture for something . . . I am not sure. I was instructed to turn my volume up loud to listen for “whispers.” I stared for about twenty seconds, and then a horrendous scream blasted over the speakers and a black and white face appeared. I remember there being just a moment where I sat back in my chair with my mouth open, and then I began screaming. Our computer was in a loft about eight feet up, I leapt from his height in an attempt to escape the horror.

3. My kindergarten teacher’s description of the digestive system.

My teacher was giving us a (somewhat inaccurate) description of the workings of the digestive system. She described how the small intestine selected what nutrients to absorb. “Ohhh, carrot. SLOOOORP.” She explained with her hands. Her face then grew darkly serious and she spoke of a scenario where the small intestine rejected chocolate. The only thing I can remember her saying was “and the chocolate goes on . . .” with her eyes wide and terrifying. I remember nothing else, but I was deeply concerned about what horrible problems that rejected chocolate could cause.

4. Seeing the cover of Jason Goes To Hell.

I had to be about four or five, and I was looking through videos in Safeway. I was so tender and innocent that all it took was one glance at the cover of a movie to literally induce nightmares.

This is what I saw.

Honestly, I can see why that freaked me out. It is terrifying.

Have a good one,

-Nathan

Did I mention the attempted axe murder?