It would suck to live in a cloud. No, I’m serious! It would be horrible! People think of clouds in the same way they think of Vegas. Some say “Oh, Vegas is so cool. Parties and casinos, it’s heaven on earth, I would love to live in Vegas.” Wrong, Vegas is a dirty, overrated party town in the middle of the f*&king desert. It’s okay to visit but who would want to live there? I mean where would you go for a bachelor party if you lived in Vegas? Phoenix? No, that’s no fun. You need to live somewhere else and then go to Vegas to get smashed every once and a while, but don’t live there. It takes all the enjoyment out of it.

So anywho, clouds are like Vegas. We think of them as soft, warm, and comfortable entity worthy as the home of an angel. In truth they suck: cold, wet and not comfortable at all. So you DON’T want to live in a cloud, but you’re content to admire their elegant structures from the comfort of an airline passenger seat. The idea of living in a cloud is enough. Like Vegas, if you lived there you would either love it (unlikely) or you would get sick of it and want to be anywhere else but there.

This discussion brings a key question to mind. If clouds suck, and Heaven is in the clouds. Does Heaven suck? Let me see. Well probably . . . wait! No! I got it! Heaven is like Las Vegas! Flashy, a great place to party, and in the middle of f*%king nowhere. Think of it like this, if you live in Los Angeles and you win a free house in Vegas, it’s the same as being on earth and dying and going to heaven. You party and have a good time right. At first this is great but over time you will realize that that’s all there is, Just clouds and partying. Not a nice place to raise a family.

I woke up the other day with an extreme discomfort in my bladder, so I grudgingly got out of my warm, cozy bed and stumbled to the bathroom. And as I was standing there relieving myself, I caught sight of something in the corner of my eye. I slowly turned my head, and to my horror the windowsill had a glass of white liquid with a brown chunky substance floating on the top. I quickly dumped it in the toilet, washed my hands thoroughly so that I didn’t catch some exotic disease from a far off land. I then found my brother in the living room watching TV. I knew the glass was his because him and I are the only people who use that bathroom. In response to my question about the identity of the liquid he told me that earlier that day he was eating cookies and milk. I then asked why he was eating cookies and milk in our bathroom, and his reasoning for leaving the glass on the windowsill? He justified his actions by saying “I was going to clean it up?” When? When it goes sour? I don’t think so. I mean what was he doing eating cookies in the bathroom in the first place?

P.S. See Waltz With Bashir, its an amazing movie.