I know nothing about ferrets, and Noah really doesn’t either. Why we are making a three-part arc about them is beyond me. The ferrets perhaps transcend their simple, natural limitations and are used as a literary device to represent-

Screw it, here’s the comic.

I have very little experience with the creatures. Back in the fog of time somewhere around the release of Pac-Man World 2, my comrade, Cody (who you may remember as guest co-writer for this gem), was staying in a house that his mother was house-sitting. In that house there was a ferret, a creature I had only heard of in legend.

It was alright, I suppose, but my only memory was walking out into the kitchen and stepping in a nice S-shaped ferret doody. That’s all I think about when someone says “ferret:” moist poo on the sole of my bare foot.

Several weeks ago, Noah and I recorded our entire writing process, a la Penny Arcade’s “Downloadable Content.” We didn’t do it with any specific goal in mind, as I had recently acquired a brand-new microphone (for in-game communications), and we decided to give it a whirl for our own entertainment.

I have come to the conclusion that I will never take part in a podcast, or any kind of recording medium. Noah insisted that he “sounded dumb,” an  observation I was quick to point out was incredibly true, and in fact, he sounded like that all the time. I even found the podcast of another comic in a similar vein, and it was a lot of stupid people talking and cracking jokes, thinking they were hilarious. They were not. Needless to say, the recording was incredibly painful to listen to. I stopped after about ten minutes.

I do not tell you what comic, simply because it is not a comic that I willingly support. Maybe that had to do with some bias against the podcast? It seemed like it was recorded for the simple arrogant purpose of wanting to hear yourself talk, which is basically the same reason we recorded our conversation. We all possess a degree of arrogance, it’s part of being human, it’s keeping this arrogance under control that keeps us from all being douchebags.

We realize that we are miserable animals, and we try to hide our skulking evil from the world. Why? It’s because I don’t like seeing myself, and the thought of logging in and seeing my face, peering back at me. In fact, today I saw that pictures of me were posted by (the aforementioned) Cody, and a chill literally coursed through my body. I will not hide the secret from you though, as you can judge for yourself our twisted evil. Here is our Eyeskream Member’s portrait. Our appearances have changed since, as my head is now covered with hair, and Noah’s face is naked once again.

Look upon it! Look upon it with horror!

It never fails to astonish me how the Internet has allowed people to spread their arrogance to such a large audience. I was observing nearby tweets on my iPod one night, and I happened upon a person who was posting interesting facts about themselves. These facts were mostly, “I AM AWESOME.” Observe:

1. I “GET” (Not Send) About 500 Texts Daily , Meanin Around 3,500 Texts A Week (Crazy I know)

“People love me so much, they just constantly want to communicate with me. I also cannot be bothered to actually use proper capitalization.”

2. Ive Been To 5 Proms In Three Years (3 Proms In 3 weeks, High School Record Baby) And Got Asked To 7 Proms This Year But Didnt Go

“The bitches go cuh-RAZY over me, but I’m like, ‘Psh, no thanks. I’m too cool for that.’”

3. I Laugh At My Own Jokes… (Its Only Bad When You The Only One Laughin, But Everyone Laughs At My Jokes So I Can Do That ,Lol)

“I’m an asshole.”

4. I Have Over 28 Hundred Myspace Friends ADD ME

“I love pretending I have friends.”
I try SO HARD to be a nice person, but people like this make me growl. Seriously, like an angry dog. I just let loose a low rumbling, and sometimes even paw at the screen.

This is exciting, I guess I misspelled “capitalization.” Firefox’s suggestion?

compartmentalization

I don’t know why that excites me, but it does.

I have to stop writing posts at 1 in the morning.

Also: Interested in having us draw your own comic, or make you a custom 3 panel comic on any subject of your choosing? You can! Absolutely free! Check this post for details.

-Nathan

The name of the arrogant comic is error=231; cannot define: <bad_comic>