The following may be the worst blog post in the history of blog posts.

I am a big fan of breakfast cereal. It is probably the most important thing in my life right now. Special K, Froot Loops, Choco-Puffs, I eat it all. All cereal is created equal in my eyes. In fact, I’m eating a big bowl of cereal right now. I realize that when people see you eating cereal at, say, 3PM, they wonder how your life has gotten to a point when a mid-afternoon cereal snack has become acceptable social behavior. But it doesn’t bother me! I will gladly pour myself a bowl of Honey Nut Cheerios (classic reliable choice) at 7 pm and bear the stares of everyone around me. It is nature’s perfect food, and by nature, I mean Kelloggs.

This very morning I had poured a bowl of plain old Corn Bran cereal. Brand new box. Wasn’t expecting much. Corn Bran is always slightly enjoyable, nothing more, nothing less. So out I pour, when I see what come out of the recently opened box? A SHREDDIE. HOLY COW! I couldn’t believe it.

Another cereal anomaly for you all – about a week ago, I poured myself a bowl of Just Right cereal, which is the perfect blend of oats, barley, and some other nerd grain (I actually brought this cereal up in conversation with Nathan, since I am an exciting conversationalist, and found that you Americans don’t actually have Just Right cereal! What a sad existence you must lead. You can keep your world dominance and cultural empire, I will be happy to stay at home with the perfect blend of oats and barley). But yes, I poured myself a bowl of cereal and discovered that I was out of milk! So instead of pouring it all back into the box (lame) or eating it dry (even lamer and depressing), I decided that I would try to eat it with Iced Tea instead of Milk. I mean, that could be good, right?

Wrong. Worst taste combo ever.

I think that’s the most depressing thing that can ever happen to someone. Because when you want cereal, you want cereal. It’s not like you can get yourself into a toast mood after you’ve decided on cereal. And when there’s no milk, a reality hits you like a ton of bricks – you’re not having cereal today.

Alright. I promise I will never write another word about breakfast cereal in these blog posts again. Maybe one more time. Moving on.

Poop in Bed! What you’ve all been waiting for. This one is based on an actual dream I had a couple of weeks ago. You know those dreams where you are so disappointed to wake up from? This particular one certainly worked in that fashion.

till next week!
Joel