Animals are now a part of the comic, and are here to stay. There is no sense trying to avoid it, because try as we might, animals just keep coming back. We don’t actively sit down with the goal of “animals,” it just seems like more often than not, we think of something funny that involves an animal. And so, as sick as it sounds, the animal is often harming someone, or something terrible is happening to the animal. In this week’s case, it is both.

A quick update: as you may or may not recall, I discussed how Gamer Candy is going to be renamed “Good in Theory.”

Then nothing happened.

The truth behind that is, I was trying to design the new site with the goal being a vast improvement over the current design, which I feel looks pretty amateurish. I feel like the comic has grown and improved much over the last few months, and it has outgrown this little homemade html code it resides in now.

The problem is this current site is the best I can do. My experience in site coding is extremely limited, and I am not in any way committed to spending hours learning how to code. So I have pieced together a site design in Photoshop, and given it to a freelance sitebuilder who estimates that the site design should be completed in 2-3 weeks. So . . . in 2-3 weeks, you should be reading this blog on a new site!

Okay, I am pretty sure that news was much more exciting to me than it was to you.

Here are portraits of Tim and Marlon I that I did over the week for the new site.

Now this is the part of the blog where I attempt to pull something from the depths of my anus to entertain you. And by anus, I mean brain.

You know, where I attempt to write about something completely random in a humorous manner. You might remember when I did a quick commentary on a number of CNN articles. Did that work? Did you like it? Or did it fall completely flat? I don’t know! Tell me! I’ll give it another shot this week, I guess.

. . .

This is a tragic story actually, so don’t read it, because if you do it will be even harder to entertain you. But let’s focus on the part that is ridiculous. In Africa, during a soccer game, one of the players was accused of “witchcraft” and it started a riot. Arguably, magic would probably help during a soccer game. I would assume that he was enchanting the ball to magically shift in his team’s favor. It works, but not terribly creative. Here are some spells that I would have cast on the ball:

-Change into a bowling ball for a fraction of a second. This curse would have to be activated as soon as the opposing team was about to kick the ball. Also very useful when kicked and is sailing through the air towards the goalie.

- Becomes ghost-like. What I mean by that is that mortal objects pass clean through it. Added hilarity since their foot would swing high into the air. I mean, I would know. I missed kicking soccer balls in gym all the time. And people laughed. And judged, with their eyes.

- Testicle-seeking enchantment. Pretty self-explanatory. Maybe it could also increase to supernatural forces and speeds. Not so effective on most women’s soccer players.

. . .

I am not going to link this article, because it is grim. I will give you the gist of it though: a man is arrested for punching a puppy. That is really terrifying for some reason. Now all he needs to do is get a tattoo that says, “I punch puppiez, yo” and no one would ever mess with him again, ever.

Oh, except for guys with “I punch puppy punchers, yo” tattoos. The Puppy Puncher would be pretty f***ed if he ever ran into one of those guys.

. . .

This article isn’t that interesting, but one aspect of it is. The title of the article is, “Mt. Pleasant Mom Sentenced in Candy Scam.” That’s hilarious! Can you think of a more care bear-sounding title?

“Laughter County Man Charged With Teddy Bear Fraud.”

“Milk and Honey City Woman Arrested for Giving Away Free Puppies and Kitties to Giggling School Children Without a License.”

“Cheerful Meadows Police Department Bust Massive Cotton Candy Smuggling Ring.”

. . .

“Marching Band Pelted With Rocks, Paint,” because no one likes marching bands.

. . .

Alright, I can’t find anymore articles that I can think of quips for, so I will point you towards last weekend’s opening skit on Saturday Night Live. I guess Tina Fey came back to play Sarah Palin (who already looks a lot like Tina Fey). It is funny enough, but you should just see it for how nearly mirror-identical she looks to Sarah Palin.

Oh yeah, and if you missed it: Joel and I put up a new Poop in Bed last Friday. Joel also discussed the Large Hadron Collider (read his blog if you don’t know what that is.) A friend of mine pointed me towards a video, which I think follows up Joel’s blog quite nicely.

Righto. Should have a new Poop in Bed up on Friday, and so until next week . . .

Bye.