It happens all the time, young school-age children will be enjoying themselves: cone party hats adorn their heads, games are played, cake is cut, presents are opened . . . then there is an accidental murder.

So the first order of business is thanking Dermot Cole for featuring me in his column on Sunday, which also carried a reprinting of “Vital Signs” alongside it. It was an honor.

I find writing this comic is interesting. Character depth is deeply lacking in the comic, but in my mind I have a very strong idea of who these characters are and what they are like. The quote in this week’s comic, “big-ass party,” is something that I would never say. In fact, I find it rather annoying when people say it, as it is just crude for crudeness’ sake. For some reason, having Tim say it really fit when I wrote it. It’s a cool feeling, to have a character help in the writing process. I hope that I can find a way to start better developing the two, so that maybe you too can get a sense of their personalities. Huzzah: a goal!

I honestly cannot think of anything to write about, but I feel like I would be doing you some kind of disservice if I did not at least try to entertain you while you are here. After all, you did go to the trouble of clicking the “News” link and all. In a frantic attempt to amuse, I am going to go to cnn.com and pick out different news stories to write about.

. . .

News about Obama and Hillary isn’t even entertaining anymore. It’s just getting old. PICK ONE ALREADY!

. . .

The WiiFit. It’s a cool idea, and it looks like it would be a fun way to excercise. Unfortunately, like practically every Wii game out, it’s just a stupid gimmick! What I mean by this is that it is not so much a “video game in the traditional sense.” Take Wii Sports, like the bowling game. It’s not so much a game as it is: “Get Grandma to play a video game and maybe she’ll stop looking at you with contempt for the corrupt generation that you represent!”

. . .

A women resorts to living in her car with her two dogs after becoming homeless since she was laid off from her job. Nothing funny about that poor woman and her situation, but there is a video link in the article that says, “Watch women who live in their cars.” To me, that sounds rather voyeuristic. Couldn’t they have just called it, “Women who live in their cars?” Watching seems like a thing that is prolonged, you watch a movie, you watch a show. If you say you are watching someone, I immediately get an image of you hiding in the bushes at night and watching them dance around in their underwear.

. . .

A clinic in Boston is providing sex changes for kids as young as 7. (Please don’t let my grandma read this.)

“But mommy! I don’t want to have a penis!”

“Dammit Susie! You are getting a penis, and you will like it!”

(this is going downhill fast.)

. . .

Donkey was put in jail for assaulting a man. Does that one even need a joke to accompany it? I think we need to apply all human laws to animals, like public indecency. We need to make it mandatory for dogs to wear pants, because who doesn’t like a dog wearing pants?

. . .

Well. I hope you gleaned some hint of amusement from that. I might do it again if I have nothing to write. It does just fine as filler.

Oh, and episode one of Penny Arcade Adventures, “On the Rain-Slick Precipice of Darkness” comes out today on all computer systems (PC, Mac, Linux) as well as Xbox Live Arcade. Definitely going to pick that up. It is the first web comic that’s been made into a video game! (I think.) Dis sheezy be important, yo. (Sorry.)

See you all next Wednesday, or sooner if I get up and actually do another Everyman.

-Nathan